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Dads Don't Fix Your Kids Newsletter |
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TITLE: Spare
the Child, Ditch the Rod AUTHOR: Mark
Brandenburg MA, CPCC, WORD COUNT:
631 URL: http://www.markbrandenburg.com Mailto: mark@markbrandenburg.com Photo available: http://www.markbrandenburg.com/images/mark.jpg Spare the Child, Ditch the Rod! Spare the rod, spoil the child! This philosophy's been around a long time. In fact, a study done by Zero to Three, a nonprofit child-development group, found that 61 percent of the adults who responded condone spanking as a
regular form of punishment. The percentage of parents who actually use spanking is believed to be
much higher. And when my five year old son's behavior went beyond annoying a few days ago, I felt inclined to join the majority and swat him to "teach him a lesson." Most parents reach this point with their kids. We feel as though we can't take any more of what our kids are
dishing out. It usually happens when we're tired,
stressed, and overdone. So what are our choices when we reach this point? Spanking certainly can take care of things quickly and can
temporarily change your kids behavior. But there are many reasons to question the practice of spanking your
kids. Here’s five of them: 1. Do you really want your kids to be
afraid of you? Kids will sometimes obey more readily when they're afraid of you.
Is this what you really want? What happens when they're six feet two and two hundred pounds?
Effective parenting is based on love and respect, not
fear. 2. Spanking shows your kids that you lack
self-control The huge majority of spanking incidents come when a parent is
angry. What is quite clear to your child is this: when my Dad or Mom gets angry, they hit me. And
when the same child hits his sister when he gets angry, do you demand that he shows better self-control?
Something’s wrong with this picture. We teach our kids
best through our own actions. 3. You may breed resentment and anger in your kids Kids who are spanked usually don't learn a great deal about
"correcting" their misbehavior. They don't usually sit up in their rooms and say, "Gosh, I can really see after getting spanked that I was wrong. I'll do better now." They do think about how angry their Dad or Mom is, and they can develop a good deal of resentment for their parents. 4. Spanking shows your kids that
"might makes right” Adults make mistakes in their lives too, right? Can we use our imaginations and feel what it would be like for someone four times our size to pick us up and swat
us on the butt? What would we learn from that? Would
we feel any injustice? You can bet that your
kids are feeling some. 5. Spanking isn't effective in the long
run Parents who are asked why they spank will report that they use it to "teach their kids a lesson," or so they
won't misbehave again. Many kids who are spanked will go underground with their misbehavior and become more cunning to avoid being caught.
(Wouldn't you?) If you're spanking your kids fairly often, doesn't this show that it's not working very
well? I don't believe that kids who are spanked occasionally are
ruined for life. Nor do I believe that spanking
is necessary to discipline a child. There are countless examples of disciplined and responsible young people who were never spanked by their parents. Parents who don't spank their kids use time outs, re-directing, or
distracting with their kids. They can pick their kids up and let them cool down, or simply leave the area themselves so they don't do something
they'd regret later. While these methods aren't always perfect, they help to form the foundation of a certain kind of household: One in which violence is not "taught" as a means
to better behavior. After all, we live in a world that's filled with violence. Can't we provide a place for our kids where there isn't any? Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches men to be better
fathers and husbands.
He is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers” http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up
for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, “Dads, Don’t Fix Your
Kids,” at http://www.markbrandenburg.com.
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